Angband - Tales From The Pit. July 2008 to December 2008

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July 2, 2008 - Wrong Game, Sorry.

Travel between the worlds of NetHack and Angband was difficult but still possible. Travelling between ADOM and Angband involved a long and indirect route going left at Diablo, straight on through ZAngband, taking the bypass at Ragnarok and finally the dangerous shortcut across Crawl.



July 4, 2008 - Musings of a Ragged Trousered Psychotic

I can't exactly see artifact trousers. How about The Leather Chaps of Elrond? Or perhaps the Cargo Pants of Bilbo Baggins? The Lycra Leggings of Saruman?



July 7, 2008 - Internalised External

Don't give your reflection too much life. It might decide that it's the original.



July 9, 2008 - Shameless Asimov Ripoff

The problem is - this is a comic strip. They know we're watching. So aside from the third law, we know they're not telling the truth. However, painstaking research eavesdropping on dragons when we're sure they don't know we're listening has allowed us to piece together a few fragments of the Second Law. We know that it involves the phases "Not want", "Murder", "Soy Sauce" and "Dumbledore". Other than that, we have no clue.



July 11, 2008 - Shining Elfhood

I've not looked. I've not checked. But this is the internet. I know it's there. If you find it... don't send it to me. Turn off your computer and exorcise your hard drives.



July 14, 2008 - Onomatopoeia

Wok Clang was even deadlier. Tastier too.



July 16, 2008 - The Proverbial Son

One day I will discover a pun so awful that I can reduce a man to tears from fifty paces.



July 18, 2008 - Safer Trinitite

Aleg Guinness = Genuine Glass.



July 21, 2008 - Once Owned By Schrodinger

The Cat Of Doubt tried to make a career as an internet meme but was never that good at posing dramatically for the camera.



July 23, 2008 - Deja Village

There's no place like home.



July 25, 2008 - Mind Over Matter. Literally

Unfortunately, the next day Explorington got ambitious and tried to imagine a harem of ten thousand beautiful women. It worked perfectly... but he forgot to include the caveat that they be attracted to him.



July 28, 2008 - Guest Strip 29 - Rapid Oxidation

Martin Bazley shows why not all metals are that useful for item construction



July 30, 2008 - I'm Too Lazy To Draw Big Battles

Adding in all those p symbols, the well rounded o's, and the D's for heavy artillery? It's hell on your mousing finger. You wouldn't want me to injure myself just to give you all a good comic would you? Are you that heartless and cruel?



August 1, 2008 - The Reason For Autosquelch

At least scrolls of Aggravate Monster are good if you want a challenge... or a particularly creative suicide.



August 4, 2008 - Guest Strip 30 - Explorington's Special Delivery

This strip by Ed Kolis shows that you should always be careful of scrolls. Always.



August 6, 2008 - Counter The Fit

The Fail of Galadriel was made of plastic. But the Star of Alandil came with a free tea cosy.



August 8, 2008 - Why Angband Is Not A MMORPG

Now, there was or rather is a multiplayer Angband project called MAngband. Imagine what it would have been like had it really really taken off and become as popular as World of Warcraft...



August 11, 2008 - Why Angband Could Be a MMORPG

Apparently, MAngband is only pining for the fjords and isn't dead after all. And may I just say what a pleasure it is to rip off old tired Monty Python references for my own benefit? Everyone else on the internet is doing it, so I thought I'd get in on the action.



August 13, 2008 - Dogbone

Canine intervention.



August 15, 2008 - Gyyyyerrrgh

No, it won't.



August 18, 2008 - Civilised

It's amazing how many adventurers have been saved by the wives of monsters.



August 20, 2008 - Superheroes Of Angband

There are no Batman clones in Angband. Pretty much every single adventurer had their parents killed by a monster, so it'd be kinda generic.



August 22, 2008 - He's An Orc, And He's OK

He sleeps all night and he kills all day... just like his dear papa.



August 25, 2008 - It Might Be Bob

Actually, there are fifty four ninjas. The others are so good that even I didn't spot them until I wrote this.



August 27, 2008 - Justified Denial

The only time he denied anything more than this was when someone told him his nickname was "Teddy"



August 29, 2008 - Guest Strip 31 - The Operative

Sampsa Lahtonen tells the story of why all those adventurers fall to the little monsters... other than comic value.



September 1, 2008 - Saturday Night Live

I don't actually do a comic on Saturdays. I'm too busy sleeping.



September 3, 2008 - Comic Stabs

I was going to do a comic with a very brave Sauron on one square and a staff in the square above... so he'd be bold underline. But then I decided that I didn't want to get lynched.



September 5, 2008 - Joined Together... Never Apart

Also, because despite being metal, they smelled bad. Apparently it's something to do with the rust.



September 8, 2008 - The Creepiest Thing I Could Think Of

Blackmail only goes so far. Intimidation and mind screwing works better.



September 10, 2008 - News Innoculation

Think of it in terms of a vaccine. Inject a weaker strain so the body builds up defenses against the stronger one.



September 12, 2008 - Wings

Just like the Ugly Duckling. Only not.



September 15, 2008 - Gotta Pick A Pocket Or Two

Coming soon... Explorington the Musical! The orc can-can dancers have to be seen to be believed. Then you claw your own eyes out.



September 17, 2008 - Historical Moments Recreated In ASCII

The denizens of Angband put on an art show for you today.



September 19, 2008 - Third Prize

Dwarf Fortress was much more tricky. It took three Reader's Digest prize draws.



September 22, 2008 - Mr Fuzzles

When equipped, it gave +3 to CHR.



September 24, 2008 - O Live Oil

Healing potions were green this time round. Explorington made a deal with the gods and traded colour-blindness for three extra STR points



September 26, 2008 - Endless September

Yes, I do like NetHack. ADOM too.



September 29, 2008 - Endless October

Yes, I like milking a joke. Don't look up Goatse. Just don't.



October 1, 2008 - Snappy

Sometimes I write a comic that makes me hate myself. This isn't one of them - this is one that might make you hate me. Or at least replace my rations of food with chilli peppers.



October 3, 2008 - Speak With Dead

Not the evil dead... not really.



October 6, 2008 - It Would Have Been AWESOME

Seriously, it would. You would all have laughed so hard that some of you would have gotten nosebleeds from the force of the hilarity.



October 8, 2008 - Captain AJ's Discount Artifact Store

Wouldn't it be cool if the attributes on an artifact were indeed literal? Free Action would mean you live somewhere where your rights are respected. Sound Resistance would give you poor hearing. And Shock Immunity would stop people jumping out at you and shouting "BOO!"



October 10, 2008 - Unusually Specific Curses

Actually, he got it wrong.



October 13, 2008 - The Reanimated

Zombies. Angband's renewable resource.



October 15, 2008 - The Truth is Far Stranger

Yes, this really happened. It was one hell of a shock.



October 17, 2008 - Dance Magic

Tactically speaking, these are the only options in Angband. Attack in some way, run away, or do something stupid.



October 20, 2008 - Like Flies

When you're a strong warrior, I can understand mowing down orcs like blades of grass... but shouldn't ancient dragons be more of a challenge? Or giants?



October 22, 2008 - Stay Awake... Don't Close Your Eyes

Although it has the opposite effect in the movie, did you realise that Mary Poppins preaches sleep deprivation? Clearly that's why the children saw all those very very strange things...



October 24, 2008 - Yellow p

Translating words from the east into western alphabets is always so tricky.



October 27, 2008 - Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness

Explorington did at least have the presence of mind to ignore convention and just say "Yoink!" instead of "Pardon me, but I've just stolen all your stuff". This gave him time to run



October 29, 2008 - Ancient Decayed Flesh

The cardigan of doom approacheth



October 31, 2008 - Speedrun

So... what's the fastest you've ever completed Angband or a variant? (Quickband does not count)



November 3, 2008 - The Passive Aggressive Technique

Well, Morgoth does have a few millenia on Explorington. Which of them is likely to die of old age first?



November 5, 2008 - Slurs and Stripes Forever

As it's Guy Fawkes Night (Bonfire Night!) in the UK... perhaps we could combine the US election and the UK holiday... and burn an effigy of the losing candidate?



November 10, 2008 - Emoplorington

Getting up at 6am just plain sucks.



November 12, 2008 - Fallen Angels

Or perhaps they just gently sauntered downwards



November 14, 2008 - The Argument

It started with a dispute over Potions of Augmentation three years ago.



November 17, 2008 - You Got Me Monologuing

And he said to me " ". And I replied with " ". And there was an agreement



November 19, 2008 - Milking The Joke... Again

I promise to stop here. No jokes about fire resistance making guns jam, cold immunity warding off illness or confusion resistance allowing you to make sense of tax law.



November 21, 2008 - Right To Left

There's no reason you can't polka on the line.



November 24, 2008 - Offer Mode

Explorington took the 2000 deal, as the deposit of 100 was quite handleable... and got a very good job for that price. The exploding quails worked perfectly and the single green ribbon was an especially nice touch.



November 26, 2008 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 24

angband.oook.cz - home of the Angband ladder. A damned useful way of comparing things - there's even a couple of my characters there.



November 28, 2008 - Dev Nuts

Actually, I didn't enter this year. I just didn't have time due to IRL time pressures.



December 1, 2008 - Gift Of The Maggot

It was a dispute over parking spaces



December 3, 2008 - Doctor Doctor

My evil lair is under construction.



December 5, 2008 - Evil Shall Rise

Bake it, shaby.



December 8, 2008 - After The Fact

Telemarixiusan had forgotten the prime rule of being an Evil Minion - never put yourself in a position where you have to contradict the boss, or take responsibility for failure.



December 10, 2008 - Except In ToME Of Course

Do not stab Super Happy Fun Ringwraith



December 12, 2008 - Collector's Edition

If you send off thirty box lids, you get a plastic model of a Great Wyrm of Power



December 15, 2008 - Children Are Like Onions

The crunchy bits can be a bit dry though - children need to be served in a good sauce. We recommend either dragonsblood and mint or lion's pepper. However, if you're allergic to the lion's pepper then green mold extract is an acceptable substitute.



December 17, 2008 - Slurs and Scrapes

After the fan response to Slurs and Stripes (above), I couldn't resist the appeal of the word. Kudos to you, you moistulent creatures.



December 19, 2008 - Total Economic Domination

And just after he'd gotten resist electrity and resist water.



December 22, 2008 - Ozzzzzzzzz

The Tin Woodsman was a porn star.



December 24, 2008 - Just For Once This Season

Merry Christmas All.



December 26, 2008 - Floorless Plan

The Phial of Galadriel was made with pure Light magic. Just like regular magic, but with less calories.



December 29, 2008 - The Jerk

Based on a real conversation I had. Using fake logic to 'win' arguments is not nice.



December 31, 2008 - Technicalities and Species

Well, he was only half an orc. The other half is best not discussed in polite socieiy. It's human of course as all fantasy stereotypes tend to be, but I was trying to preserve a false air of mystery in the last sentence which this one has just ruined forever. Sorry.