Angband - Tales From The Pit. July 2006 to December 2006

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July 3, 2006 - I Have A Bad Feeling About This

Weapons armed and fully charged. Run.

July 4, 2006 - Verbositus Vocabularius

Big words from a big brain. Big body too.

July 5, 2006 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 13

So many adventurers mess up their grammar and use uncorrect terms to declare war.

July 6, 2006 - Postcard From The Depths 2

Angband's Gift Shoppe had a sale on custom cards.

July 7, 2006 - Come To The Circus

Can you hear that melody in the background? The elephants tooting, and the sound of wholesale slaughter.

July 10, 2006 - Family Matters

It's all relative.

July 11, 2006 - Up, Up and Away!

Wingardium Leviosa? Now in easy ring form.

July 12, 2006 - Budget Cuts

Times were harder for Morgoth now, since losing the key to his main treasure vault.

July 13, 2006 - B-Movie Day

Revenge of the Bride of the Son of Frankenstein's Wolf's Zombie Cheerleader... FROM MARS.

July 14, 2006 - Time To Get A Better Letter

Morgoth's counterattack to "Look! An obvious distraction!"

July 17, 2006 - Cussing Cuisine

The orcs experimented with frozen foods too, using three white dragons and four mortal insults in order to ensure the best preservation.

July 18, 2006 - Fade to Pac

Morgoth's experiments into trans-dimensional gateways did not always go as planned. Sometimes he let in the wrong things.

July 19, 2006 - Wait A Century Or Two

Beware the molds... they sit there all day long... just sitting. They're up to something.

July 20, 2006 - Get A Life

Explorington failed to read all the instructions, which clearly stated to drink the potion while in a crowded bar.

July 21, 2006 - Little Fleas Have Lesser Fleas

Trees within trees within trees within trees within trees...

July 24, 2006 - Rough Area

The School of Arguments had over two hundred graduates a year.

July 25, 2006 - 7.86 Grams Per Cubic Centimetre

Iron will, wooden brain.

July 26, 2006 - Edit Wars

You can barely get a Word in edgeways these days...

July 27, 2006 - Kinked Perspective

Many of the Balrogs were really quite Victorian in their values, and would shun you if you drank from the wrong teacup.

July 28, 2006 - Did I Interrupt Something... Sir?

Mmmm... leather.

July 31, 2006 - The Customer Is Always Right

For wishes two and three, Explorington also wanted a cheap laugh. It involved chainsaws.

August 1, 2006 - The Drama Queen

Best Set Design went to Morgoth, for his brilliantly diabolical, yet unimaginatively titled "Maze shaped like a big sword"

August 2, 2006 - Depth of Thought

If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit.

August 3, 2006 - Popularity Contest

The iron armour look was out this year. Titanium and bronze was all the rage.

August 4, 2006 - Academic Peer Review

Physica Angebande was quite a respected journal, with a popular series on the *exact* amount of spell force required to disintegrate various types of orc, instead of just plain killing them.

August 7, 2006 - Auction

My precious...

August 8, 2006 - Urban Legends

There are some quite tasteful rooms in Angband, which have a lovely veneer on the walls, with an interesting splatter pattern.

August 9, 2006 - Where's The Energy Bar?


August 10, 2006 - Absolute Power

Kicking demons in the teeth had lost its shine recently. It's no fun if they don't fight back, but just quiver in terror.

August 11, 2006 - Why Am I Being Pun-Ished?

Morgoth, Sauron and Explorington all learned to play the guitar. They formed the Ang-Band.

August 14, 2006 - They ARE All After My Money

If you think that's secure, you should see the one he keeps his chocolate in.

August 15, 2006 - Raiders of the Lost Gold

Harrison Ford - inspiring death and destruction since God-knows-when.

August 16, 2006 - Sibling Affection

Angband's denizens, while not the most sophisticated do at least try not to inbreed.

August 17, 2006 - More Viewer Mail

Mashed potato, anyone?

August 18, 2006 - Save Me Lois!

All together now... La La La Laa Laaaaa... Laaa Laaaa Laaaaa... La La La Laa Laaaaaa... LAA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!

August 21, 2006 - Cunning Linguist

The Orcish language is remarkably versatile. If he'd prefaced the greeting with the modifier "Ba'zaaak", he'd be married to the chieftain's daughter by now.

August 22, 2006 - I Am Sale-Ing

Pathetic, isn't he?

August 23, 2006 - Spick and Span

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Unfortunately that's only on one side. On the other side, it's next to parasitic infections, for some unknown reason.

August 24, 2006 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 14


August 25, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (1/6)

Every reader will recognise the annoyance...

August 28, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (2/6)

We're sure that everyone in the world loves spammers, and would snuggle them and give them kittens.

August 29, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (3/6)

These three panels actually took place over about six days.

August 30, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (4/6)

Despite what people think, lies, bullsh*t and weasel words are not free.

August 31, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (5/6)

So very very VERY tempting.

September 1, 2006 - The Great Spam Hunt (6/6)

For those of you who wanted to see Barry die - you are very sick people, and society should be ashamed of you. Besides, we've run out of blood-coloured pixels.

September 4, 2006 - Guest Strip 10 - Parallel Universe

A contribution by Greyknight shows why you shouldn't screw with reality. It generally screws you.

September 5, 2006 - And Now A Word From Our Sponsors 5

Do not, under any circumstances use the Porta-summoner in the bath. Tentacles are not your friends.

September 6, 2006 - Meditation

Peace and Silence.

September 7, 2006 - Ready To Go Back Now

Hell is other people. Then again, so is heaven.

September 8, 2006 - Narcotica Maxima

So addictive... almost like chocolate. Except that chocolate is legal.

September 11, 2006 - Sermon on the Pout

Their communion wine was peppermint flavoured.

September 12, 2006 - It Mentions Sheep

Suffice to say that Dave was a well known character for many years to come.

September 13, 2006 - I'm Brian And So's My Wife

Forgive me... please forgive me. I had to do it at least once. I had to get the geeky overused Monty Python quoting out of my system. And I promise never to do it again... unless I really want to.

September 14, 2006 - Anticlimactic

Eat dinner?

September 15, 2006 - Eyes Open, Brain Shut.

In his defense, our hero had drunk one too many cocktails the night before. Four Nazgul Nutcrackers will put an elephant under the table.

September 18, 2006 - Guest Comic 11 - Angband 21XX

"As Ed Kolis, the creator of this strip says... ""If we showed Explorington s***ing his pants in 3D we'd have to rate this game 'Teen'. Never mind the fact he's wearing nothing but a longsword..."""

September 19, 2006 - Motivation

You've got to admit, it's an excellent reason.

September 20, 2006 - Nature Documentary

He does an excellent impersonation of David Attenborough

September 21, 2006 - Warning - This strip uses very childish humour

Let's face. Bathroom humour is gross. It's childish and it's silly. But it's still funny. Especially when you're drunk.

September 22, 2006 - Headology Doesn't Work On The Stupid

The average "o" in Angband has an IQ of 60. The average "k" in Angband fails their IQ test.

September 25, 2006 - Guest Series 1 - Morgoth's Big Adventure (1/5)

First in a series of guest strips by Conrad Zaar. Punchline homaged with permission.

September 26, 2006 - Guest Series 1 - Morgoth's Big Adventure (2/5)

Guest series by Conrad Zaar. A homage to the now-vanished Angband webcomic... a valiant ancestor of Tales From The Pit.

September 27, 2006 - Guest Series 1 - Morgoth's Big Adventure (3/5)

Guest series by Conrad Zaar. We're slightly concerned that Morgoth might not be getting the full Angband experience here.

September 28, 2006 - Guest Series 1- Morgoth's Big Adventure (4/5)

Guest series by Conrad Zaar. Cooperation isn't always the best way to go. Unless you're a massive uber-powerful giant former god.

September 29, 2006 - Guest Series 1 - Morgoth's Big Adventure (5/5)

Last in the guest series by Conrad Zaar. The best journeys always end up where you started.

October 2, 2006 - Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow

The importance of family cannot be overstated.

October 3, 2006 - Still Heir Tomorrow

OK, maybe the importance of family can be overstated.

October 4, 2006 - Restaurante

Ever had a hamburger that tasted just that little bit different to normal?

October 5, 2006 - I Am Lord Explorington

Ironically, Explorington has a tattoo of a skull on his arm. Unfortunately, it has the name "Catherine" under it... and he doesn't remember a Catherine.

October 6, 2006 - Democracy Works

When's the next General Election again?

October 9, 2006 - Tragedy and Candles

They even added extra marzipan.

October 10, 2006 - What's The Point Of It All?

That's a good reason. A damned good reason.

October 11, 2006 - Using Grudges For Fun And Profit

The Human Resources dept loved their jobs. They so rarely had to deal with any actual employee problems.

October 12, 2006 - Typographical Censorship

As it turned out, the kobold learned a lot about the cruder side of language. Unfortunately, not having a tongue made it hard to pass any of it on. Not having a spinal cord, blood or life itself made it harder.

October 13, 2006 - One Previous Owner

Oh look! The best artifact ever! Why the hell did Feanor leave it behind then?

October 16, 2006 - Stop Looking At Me

Get out of my face!

October 17, 2006 - Qualifications

A little premature.

October 18, 2006 - The Same Thing Happened To Grandma

It's OK... don't worry, we're going to take you somewhere nice to live. Lots of other nice people around, and 24 hour help.

October 19, 2006 - The Coffee's Worse

Unlike most orc poems, this one didn't contain a chorus of "Orcs, orcs, orcs, orcy orcy orcs"

October 20, 2006 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 15

It's probably a good thing that Angband doesn't have Wishes.

October 23, 2006 - And Now A Word From Our Sponsors 6

Explorington decided to give a little something back to the community.

October 24, 2006 - The Ultimate Cynic

It's hard to disbelieve in a god that you just saw having a five verse whinge about the quality of kobolds, to an amazed audience.

October 25, 2006 - Four AM

Any serious Angband, Nethack, ADOM or any other roguelike player has been here.

October 26, 2006 - Blink Blink Blink

Can't touch this.

October 27, 2006 - Freeze

It's an interesting parallel that Mushrooms of Cure Serious Wounds actually become deadly when cooked.

October 30, 2006 - Taberna Vagrantes

These shops also exist in a modified form on the Discworld.

October 31, 2006 - Local Services

They did excellent bake sales though.

November 1, 2006 - Inhuman Biology

This comic was rewritten by the Board of Censors. We didn't want to make you ill.

November 2, 2006 - Don't Force It

With a double dose of irony, a Time Vortex took out Explorington on the next turn.

November 3, 2006 - Balls of Steel

You've gotta admit... that's a Nazgul with guts.

November 6, 2006 - Guest Strip 17 - High Prices

This week's guest strip by Sampsa Lahtonen illustrates the importance of moderation in all things.

November 7, 2006 - Guest Strip 18 - I'm Me, Who Are You?

A strip by Martin Bazley shows honesty at work.

November 8, 2006 - Financial Solitude

It's a trap! Oh wait, it isn't.

November 9, 2006 - With Apologies To Zadoc

Exponential growth is not funny.

November 10, 2006 - Profiling

Racism? In Angband? Technically, it's species-ism.

November 13, 2006 - The Truth Is Out There

Strange forces are at work...

November 14, 2006 - They're Right To Be Afraid

Oh no. Not the dreaded rubber duck. And the mint soap.

November 15, 2006 - Be More Specific

The dangers of taking the written word so literally.

November 16, 2006 - I've Done This With Ringil

I know I'm not the only one who's done this.

November 17, 2006 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 16

A little savescumming never hurt anyone. Except you when we find out where you live.

November 20, 2006 - Body of Evidence

Angbandian anatomy classes lasted approximately 40 minutes before you knew everything.

November 21, 2006 - Villainy in Forty Easy Lessons

Stick with the classics.

November 22, 2006 - Pay The Bill

The personal touch only really comes from hired goons.

November 23, 2006 - A Credit To Your Religion

The Karmic Credit Card was even better, but with unpleasant interest rates, and certain fines attached.

November 24, 2006 - Hide And Seek

Magic ruins parlour games.

November 27, 2006 - Knowledge and Wisdom

He felt pretty stupid after.

November 28, 2006 - At Ground Level

We thought we'd interview one of the creatures that makes the game what it is.

November 29, 2006 - Baywatch Revival

Don't Hassle the Hoffington.

November 30, 2006 - The Little Luxuries

Yes, that *is* the only difference between them.

December 1, 2006 - Interview With The Adventurer

The technical term was "Diarrhoea Verbus Maximus"

December 4, 2006 - Big Brother

It's a unique feature of any story. Due to narrativium (first discovered in Terry Pratchett's Discworld, but subsequently found in many other universes), if an evil henchman complains/jokes/moans about their boss loudly, he will always be behind them, or hear them in some way.

December 5, 2006 - It's a Quylthulg

Please don't attempt to pronounce Quylthulg names. A sprained tongue is not a pleasant injury.

December 6, 2006 - A Tribute To Adams

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

December 7, 2006 - The Cruelest Tortures

We've all been here.

December 8, 2006 - At Economic Level

Another interview with the guys that make this world what it is.

December 11, 2006 - Oh Yes He Is

This reincarnation of Explorington was at least fortunate enough to own his own paper bag to place over his head when going out on the town.

December 12, 2006 - Zing

Touche indeed.

December 13, 2006 - Imminent Regret

Drink spiking did exist in Angband, and it was as repellent a practice as it is in the real world. Though in Angband it involved stabbing someone with an iron spike while they were distracted by drink.

December 14, 2006 - The Moral Of The Story

If you want a useful moral, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a nice classic one.

December 15, 2006 - Hell Hath No Fury a lover scorned.

December 18, 2006 - Useless

Not quite what he wanted.

December 19, 2006 - Fundamentally Not Constant


December 20, 2006 - A New Personal Best

The preceding argument involved something about his mother.

December 21, 2006 - The Mark Of A Good Leader

The mark of an Evil Overlord - never listen to your subordinates.

December 22, 2006 - And Now A Word From Our Sponsors - 7

"Sierpinski's Soul", and "The Bifurcating Baffler" were their best sellers.

December 25, 2006 - In Memory of 1914

Peace on earth and goodwill to all. Merry Christmas everyone.

December 26, 2006 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 17

If this bug actually appears in the game, then I think we're all screwed.

December 27, 2006 - He Died Looking Good

A victim of fashion.

December 28, 2006 - Fall On Your Knees

Toadying like that takes practice.

December 29, 2006 - I Needed The Money