Angband - Tales From The Pit. January 2008 to June 2008

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January 2, 2008 - Double Dare

Ah, Morgoth's patented green-dyed oatmeal and syrup, with but a hint of Mrs Blackdragonne's Super Super Concentrated Acid Mix. The perfect TV slime for people you don't like.

January 4, 2008 - It's All Greek To Me

No, he is not legend.

January 7, 2008 - The Level 53 Care Facility

Explorington III didn't have Hallucination or Confusion resistance either. Imaginary children give no treasure.

January 9, 2008 - Chernethack

The method of transmission of radiative energy wasn't done by electrons, alpha particles or gamma rays in Angband. It was actually done by neutrons, protons, mesons, morons and croutons.

January 11, 2008 - Unequal Partnership

Ironically, Sauron actually wore the trousers in this relationship. It's just that they weren't very dominant trousers.

January 14, 2008 - Pump Pump

Explorington tried out the method on himse... er, his friend and found that it worked! It completely prevented the problem! However, this was due to the fact that the area was heavily burned, and thus inoperative for weeks anyway.

January 16, 2008 - Lactobacillus

Oozing's not a bad life.

January 18, 2008 - Donne With All This

The only problem with Water Hounds is that they leak. This may be why Angband is not carpeted, despite the reasonable quotes from Gorry Goblin's Interior Design PLC. And yes, water hounds are grey in vanilla Angband not red/blue as in some variants. I've corrected that mistake.

January 21, 2008 - The Cute Puppy Approach

Or rather the runt of the litter.

January 23, 2008 - PDSM

What's worse is the placebo effect. It was only orange juice.

January 25, 2008 - You Sicken Me

Disgusting filthy filthy people. I want to meet more of them.

January 28, 2008 - The Voice of Insanoman

A new power is rising. Its victory is at hand.

January 30, 2008 - Guest Strip 28 - Spewce Girls

"A contribution from Martin Bazley. Orc boy bands are bad enough but orc girl bands? No. Just no. Ogre girl bands are the icing on the cake. Of course they're not girls until they're above the doors..."

February 1, 2008 - Hound, Vortex, Elemental

Simple game really. Vortex absorbs Hound. Hound outnumbers elemental. And elemental is many vortices. Plus rock, paper and scissors all melt in the fire!

February 4, 2008 - Mostly Harmless

Explorington's uncle was named Jameson.

February 6, 2008 - The Flaw In The Plan

The cake is not a lie. It's a nice soft moist fruitcake with no icing, but a big layer of marzipan. Very nice.

February 8, 2008 - Careless Talk Costs Lives

Through an extraordinary coincidence, the poor mages on Level 77 weren't talking about him. They just happened to be casting a spell that had the syllables of "Ex Plore Ington" as part of the incantation. A pasta summoning spell if I'm correct. Makes damned good linguini.

February 11, 2008 - James Wronged

His dagger was called Walther.

February 13, 2008 - It Was Uvatha

Don't worry, the stabbing wasn't fatal. Not technically - he died of blood poisoning.

February 15, 2008 - A Cartoon By Silly Syntheses

If Father Runcible had synthesised the trimorgothostannate, he'd have had one of the best flavour enhancers in the universe. Think MSG and multiply it by 9000.

February 18, 2008 - Project Manager, Third Grade

The pay wasn't actually that brilliant, but since the game only contains one force of evil, they've get loads of applicants. Those that don't make it? Well, you know all those blubbering idiots in town...?

February 20, 2008 - Hemmer

Swelling with joy!

February 22, 2008 - Episode VII

No, he just bisected him. He didn't chop his arm or hand off.

February 25, 2008 - Eyes Do More Than See

The number of weirdos in Angband is disturbingly high. Of course, considering the number of demons there to corrupt the ordinary monsters, it's not surprising.

February 27, 2008 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 22

Did you know that the Arkenstone of Thrain is a hereditary title? There have been fifteen Arkenstones, and the latest one just had a son.

February 29, 2008 - Mamma Matha

The courses cost lots of money money money. It's a rich man's world, after all. Held at Waterloo, taught by Professor D. Queen.

March 3, 2008 - The Ultimate Beauty Regimen

Manners from Heaven... Facelift by surgery.

March 5, 2008 - Newton Was An Artist

No, physics don't really work like that in Angband. Glass golems don't resist light, so the poor thing would have died. Poor little Silicus. He was so young, and he died for the sake of a cheap laugh at refraction. No-one thinks about the golems :(

March 7, 2008 - And Now A Word From Our Sponsors - 11

The executive in charge of this ad was trying to get fired, so he could sue the company involved. Oddly, he didn't succeed.

March 10, 2008 - Roguelikes Are Not Multiple Choice

No, you don't get to choose which epic dungeon you explore. Except for in ToME of course, now be silent.

March 12, 2008 - Carefully Plotted Cuisine

The rapping cabbages were quite tasty with a bit of cheese sauce.

March 14, 2008 - I Have To Go To The Toilet, Miss!

Orcs are surprisingly good students. They're well behaved, polite to their teachers and don't bully each other. Shame about the stench, really.

March 17, 2008 - As Above, So Below

Related to "Ceiling Cat" of internet meme fame, these deadly creatures are much harder to spot than you would think... in a 2D ASCII based system.

March 19, 2008 - Slow, But Reliable

The Zombor Package Delivery service prided itself on repeat customers. And considering that their richer customers tended to be raised as undead and live for centuries, maintaining a flawless reputation over a sustained period of time was important.

March 21, 2008 - Monster Memory For Dummies

Farmer Maggot's fields contained a rather large number of these. Why do you think he was so keen to keep the hobbits out?

March 24, 2008 - Literal Town

The magic shop had shifting walls.

March 26, 2008 - Literal Town 2

The General Store sold nothing but retired army officers.

March 28, 2008 - Literal Town 3

The citizens campaigned for no more literal meanings of shops after the Temple turned out to be right next to the Eye of Sauron.

March 31, 2008 - Snapshot of an Uninteresting Moment

Not everything that happens below is newsworthy.

April 2, 2008 - If Only He Wasn't A Mage

The RNG decided to toy with this particular Explorington III. He found no less than twenty four stat potions on the first five levels, drank them all without IDing. He then did the same thing with a potion of Death.

April 4, 2008 - Jumping On The Bandwagon

Before the meme becomes mainstreme... oh wait... too late.

April 7, 2008 - Five Hundred

Thanks to everyone who's reading for helping me make it this far, to the 500th strip. I know there aren't that many of you (a few hundred at last check) but I don't care :) Thanks guys and girls for reading! And the comic's not done yet, there's still more to come.

April 9, 2008 - Think Back

I had a funny punchline for this strip, but I forgot it.

April 11, 2008 - Oooooh, Suits You Sir!

A diamond of an idea, shot down by the marketing team in the early stages.

April 14, 2008 - First Law

Curiously, Force hounds are exempt from the third law and aren't blasted backwards whenever they breathe. Einstein and Hawking would have a field day studying the time hounds too.

April 16, 2008 - Dust To Dust

Joss Whedon made sure that all of the "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" cast members ate a good sirloin on a regular basis.

April 21, 2008 - They Come In Cans

Well, come on. Every other roguelike has food that rots away... how else can you explain how rations of food last forever?

April 23, 2008 - I Am Artifact Man, Destroyer of Worlds

Well, at high levels - wouldn't superhero be an accurate term for your character? Especially as a mage.

April 25, 2008 - The Magic Words Are "Mah Jong"

This was quickly followed by the spell of the evil eye.

April 28, 2008 - Material, Spiritual, Dental

While Rations of Food are canned, they are actually quite soft and gooey, and easy to eat without teeth. Furthermore, they're quite low in sugar and saturated fats.

April 30, 2008 - Limited Time Offer

Those of you who've completed Angband or gotten close... imagine if the high level uniques like Ancalagon, The Witchking, The Tarrasque, Sauron and Morgoth etc could hit like a time hound does. Draining stats unresistably every time. Shudder, mortals. Shudder.

May 2, 2008 - Distant Dragon

Microns to kilometres.

May 5, 2008 - Go North. Pick Up Lantern

Pick up Pen. Draw Comic. Quit.

May 7, 2008 - Wednesday

Time flies when you're having fun. They're fast little buggers, so make sure to get a decent stopwatch.

May 9, 2008 - Mostly STR, CON and CHR

The really sad thing is, that when Explorington was twenty years younger, that line would have worked. Self-respect seems to be a rare quality in Angband today. Of course, the fact it's full of ravening monsters and demons might be related.

May 12, 2008 - A Little Foreshadowing

Later on, he graduated from the sorcery academy to be called Cantoras the Slightly Skinny Lord, but his issues with anorexia continue to this day.

May 14, 2008 - The Grandfather Is Not The Target

Curiously, killing the grandfather would indeed lead to a messy series of paradoxes and generally screw up the space time continuum, but killing the hero when he's just a baby doesn't. We suspect this may be due to either time hounds breathing at Explorington III's house when he was born... or just plain old deus ex machina.

May 16, 2008 - Almost House Trained

After surgery, Explorington was eventually able to get it to breathe frost on cue.

May 19, 2008 - Morgoth: The Play

Khamul actually played the part of Morgoth, whereas Sauron was played by a particularly talented Osyluth.

May 21, 2008 - Exposition Inquisition Proposition

Explorington cracked after Volume 44d, "Dealing with unexpected betrayal in the ranks". Of course by that point, Morgoth was enjoying speaking too much to stop.

May 23, 2008 - The Mortal Enemy Of Pirates

It was a very advanced course. Bernard ended up being so stealthy that he could steal the false teeth out of your mouth mid-sneeze.

May 26, 2008 - The Mind Of A Mimic

Toilet mimics quite frequently got depressed. They had to appear like they took crap from anyone.

May 28, 2008 - Have A Nice Trip

He really should have read a Scroll of *Remove Curse* on the shoelaces. Nobody ever checks the shoelaces.

May 30, 2008 - Lucifer

Well, he did deal extra damage from fire.

June 2, 2008 - Snob

The 1204 tastes like vinegar. The 1203 isn't much better. But the 1205 is rather nice, though a little on the strong side.

June 4, 2008 - For Once They're On Your Side

Muffles was even trained to hide illegal Mushrooms of Hallucination under his collar in the event of police searches.

June 6, 2008 - The Angband Etiquette Guide - 23

There was a nasty incident involving the Shield of Thorin, Thorin himself and a bar full of drunken dwarves.

June 9, 2008 - I Hate Pundays

Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddleye, Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddleye...

June 11, 2008 - Three Levels Of It

Meta-meta-jokes are not funny. Unless they involve clown explosions.

June 13, 2008 - At Defensive Level

Another look behind the scenes... sadly, Sheldon found out three weeks later that Nila was cheating on him with a Helm of Lordliness. Sheldon was crushed, but ended up with custody of the children. He loves them dearly, and the feeling is mutual. Isn't that sweet?

June 16, 2008 - Misinterpreter

Think or thwim.

June 18, 2008 - Revelation

Eight times is the standard ritual. Nine times is essentially a phonecall.

June 20, 2008 - Lingua Mortis

Explorington had never really looked for cultural enlightenment, or to learn other languages to broaden his worldview. Until there was a shortage of Potions of Wisdom...

June 23, 2008 - Walls of Diamond

There was a route from the outside world into Angband's town... unfortunately it was one-way only.

June 25, 2008 - Uppers and Downers

The problem was - when an Up-Stair touched a Down-Stair, they canceled each other out in a puff of brick dust. This necessitated the use of the dreaded PlotHole launchers.

June 27, 2008 - Summon Hilarious Objects

This was quickly followed by WHAM! BAM! ZOT! BARF! and other such noises. And odd cries of "Not the Sabre-toothed lime!"

June 30, 2008 - Einstein Is Laughing

When the human race discovers how to make antimatter in any serious quantity, all of us are so so screwed.